(United States of America) In a stunning blow to both John McCain and Barack Obama, Joe “the Plumber” Wurzelbacher announced today that he will be supporting Texas Republican Congressman Ron Paul as a write-in candidate.
Arizona senator John McCain and Illinois Democrat Barack Obama have been fruitlessly trying to lure the handyman into their camps.
“As Joe goes, so goes the country”, McCain stated. “I’ve wined him and dined him. I’ve hooked him up with starlets. I’ve given him interviews with Katy Couric. There’s nothing else I could have done to secure the presidency”.
“I have also done my best to assure victory by securing Wurzelbacher’s vote”, Obama claimed. “I feel betrayed”.
Wurzelbacher was located by the media doing a plumbing job at the home of Sam and Edna Connors.
“I’m sick of all the crap”, Wurzelbacher said from under a sink where he was unclogging a drain. “I want someone with an ounce of brains. I want someone who actually gives a damn about this country. I want someone who doesn’t talk out his ass”.
Paul had originally run as a Republican but lost the nomination because of a lack of media coverage. However, Paul stated that he doesn’t care one way or the other about Wurzelbacher’s endorsement.
“That’s what I like about him”, Wurzelbacher said. “He’s the only candidate man enough to admit he doesn’t care about me”.
Most Americans interviewed agree with the Plumber and said they would also be voting for Paul. McCain stated that if Paul wins the election he will imprison Wurzelbacher for doing plumbing without a license. Obama simply threatened to tax him heavily.