Unconfirmed sources report that Republican leaders John Boehner and Eric Cantor are in stable condition this morning after a late night auto accident. The accident occurred when the vehicle, a classic convertible driven by Cantor, plunged into the Potomac after hitting the Debt Ceiling. The pair miraculously survived the crash, but they both received serious injuries to their credibility.
Witnesses indicate that the car was traveling rapidly down Constitution Ave when it tried to pass a speeding Debt Ceiling.
“They were really cooking,” says night watchman Keith Barnes, who saw the whole thing. “They tried to pass the Debt Ceiling, but they didn’t make it. The car hopped the sidewalk, hit a parking meter and went airborne. It was horrible to watch.”
The car flew over 150 feet before splashing into the river. The two congressmen pulled themselves from the dark waters and awaited an ambulance.
“John and Eric are very lucky men,” says hospital spokesman, Ben Lyon. “They received minor injuries to their bodies, but injuries to their credibly could be fatal. Voters expect congressional leaders to be able to pass a Debt Ceiling.”
The two could be released as early as tomorrow, but doctors warn that they had better do a better job of passing the Debt Ceiling next time they try.