John Bolton Sings Micheal Bolton to Senators At Nomination Hearing

Unconfirmed sources report that John Bolton, President Bush’s provocative choice for the U.N. ambassadorship, broke into song today in an attempt to sway skeptical Senators. The hearings had taken a turn for the worse for John Bolton as details of his working relationships come to light when the serenade began. Bolton, frustrated at the substantive questions, gave a stirring rendition of “Take Me As I Am” by Micheal Bolton to further his case.

The hearing become heated when after severe questioning from Senator John Kerry Bolton became agitated and sang out.

You don’t understand,
Oh, I’m just a man
Baby, that’s all I am
That’s all I have ever been
And you, you don’t understand
Oh, I’ve gotta live

After a brief round of applause, Democrats on the committee then restarted their questioning only to be interrupted by Bolton again. Bolton visibly taken by emotion continued the song to the rousing cheers of Republican Senators. Bolton sang

You make it so hard to do
you know you hurt me, baby
Take me, take me as I am
Take me as I am, Baby
Ooh, ooh, take me as I am

And I know, I know, I know
You’ll understand
I’m just a man, baby
That’s all I am
Don’t make it hard on me

Just take me, take me as I am, baby
Take me as I am, baby
Take me as I am, oh
Take me as I am, Baby
Oh, take me as I am now

The hearing room then descended into chaos as women in the room mobbed Bolton and began to rip his clothes off. Bolton was then hustled out the chamber by capitol police and placed in protective custody.

“Shocking,” said Senator Kerry after the display. “But I must admit John has a real good voice. He might be able to find a job at some night club if this whole U.N. thing doesn’t work out for him.”

Micheal Bolton could not be reached for comment, but long time fan club member Greta Van Merkle spoke to reporters from her home in the picturesque town of Chillicothe, Ohio. “That John Bolton ain’t much to look at and he can’t sing worth a darn, but he has got real emotion. I’ll give him that. Just between you and me, I think he should keep his day job.”

Van Merkle confirmed that he song sung by John Bolton was a somewhat modified version of the song “Take Me As I Am” from Michael Bolton’s 1993 Album, The Artistry of Micheal Bolton.