John Kerry Better Win Big or Republicans Will Steal The Election!

Unconfirmed sources report that Republican operatives have put the finishing touches on their post-election plan to steal the election. Our sources from within the White House indicate Republicans think they can swing the election two points, but no more. The President is said to be very upset with the plan and is working hard to improve it.

“This has got to be a big disappointment for The President.” Explained Washington insider, Horace Greenly. “The President’s henchmen have put George W. Bush in a very difficult position. If his men can’t sway the post-election count by more that two points, then it is going to be very difficult for The President to win this time. If the plan is a bad as my sources tell me John Kerry has a real shot at victory.”

“This is a huge opportunity for John Kerry.” Says the shrill Paul Krugmen. “I have to say I’m very surprised at the apparent disorganization of the Presidents re-election team. I figured that the only way Kerry was going to win was if he won the Electoral College and the popular vote walking away. I mean a real landslide of 8 to 10 points to keep the election safe from post-election day chicanery. It now appears that he may be able to win by just a few points and still not lose the election afterward. The Bush’s have left a real opening here. It will be interesting to see if John Kerry can take advantage of it.”

“The President is working hard.” Said White House spokesmen Ben Lion. “He is working hard, and making real progress on his post-election election plan. This is very difficult stuff and The President knows Bin Ladin attacked us, but this is still hard work.”

Republicans outside of The Presidents inner circle are worried about the situation. They are concerned that the White House has not formulated a workable post-election strategy to win the election. Given the White House’s recent poor record on planning in these types of situations who can blame them?

“Unless Karl Rove and the boys can come up with a good post-election plan, I think The President is going to have to keep the election very close if not win it outright, to win it.” Said Republican strategist William Crystal. “I got a bad feeling that Kerry might win by just enough to keep it out of Bush’s reach. This election is Bush’s to lose, twice.”

DNC Chairman Terry McAuliffe was heartened by the news, but not convinced of its accuracy. “We’ve been making projections of what we think they are capable of, and 2 points is really on the low end. Karl Rove and his boys are making plans to contest all swings states that are close and we think a 7 point post-election swing is within their capabilities. We figure they will also be able to effect court decisions in several key districts.”

“Our post-election plan?” continued McAuliffe. “Win big enough in the first place.”