John Kerry Opens Campaign Office in Falluja, Iraq!

Unconfirmed sources report The Kerry campaign has opened a new office in the war torn city of Falluja, Iraq. Sources close to the campaign say the office will support the growing anti-Bush groups working in the city. Falluja, with the help of the US army has become a flash point for Democratic support in the region. “The Iraqi peoples grass roots efforts in Falluja have been expanding and we now feel we must reward their efforts.” Said a senior campaign manager.

Local Kerry campaign organizer and Jordanian militant Abu Musab al-Zarqawi spoke on the Iraq television and said, “We are prepared to martyr ourselves to help Senator Kerry defeat the great Satan President George Bush. I feel Mr. John Kerry may be the only one that can stop Mr. Bush’s bloody Middle East rampage.”

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi’s efforts to boost Senator Kerry in the Presidential polls has included car bombings, attacks on oil production, and US troops, and kidnappings. Al-Zarqawi’s success and media savvy has shown the Kerry Edwards campaign he is a valuable campaign asset. “He has personally inspired the campaign to open the new office in Iraq” Said Senator John Edwards.

Edwards traveled to Iraq to preside over the opening of the new office. Senator Edwards rallied fanatical Kerry supporters in the local Iraq fashion by firing his legally purchased AK-47 in the air and screaming for a bloody jihad to be waged against the administration of George W. Bush. The senator was then handed a torch and preceded to ignite effigies of Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld. Surrounded by the flaming figures of administration officials Edwards launched into one of his well-honed and insightful sermons.

The speech entitled “Hope is on the Way” was well received. Edwards was forced to halt several times as gunfire from the rioting crowd drowned out his voice. One local supporter said of Edwards “The people of Falluja just love Kerry and Edwards.” Rioting broke out as US Forces closed on the site of the rally interrupting the speech. Undeterred by the gun fire and explosions Senator Edwards continued speaking until US F-16s and Apache helicopters destroyed several buildings surrounding the Public square where the rally took place.

Speaking from a nearby safe house, Al-Zarqawi vowed to continue his efforts in support of Kerry and Edwards. “We have a great network of campaign supporters in Iraq, From Falluja to Najaf, from Mosul to Baghdad and Sadr city. The people of Iraq are behind John Kerry.”

Senator Edwards thrilled with people response to his appearance thanked Al-Zarqawi. “The Jihad group led by Al-Zarqawi has done many great things here in Falluja and is sure to continue reducing the support for Bush in Iraq, one head at a time.”