WASHINGTON, D.C.–Appearing at a press conference with his mistress, Vicki Iseman, the adulterer John McCain denied allegations that he has been a politician since the early 1980s. The blogosphere is abuzz with speculation that John McCain might be trying to conceal the fact that he is presently a U.S. Senator from Arizona.
“I would like to make it very clear and in no uncertain terms: I am not now, nor have I ever been, a politician. I have been nothing but a very good womanizer and adulterer. I have never had anything to do with writing and passing laws,” said John McCain. “I was never in the Congress, nor am I now in the Senate.”
Several sex advocacy groups are calling for John McCain to come clean about his status as a politician. Proud Perverts of America was already rocked hard by revelations that one of its members, Mark Foley, was a Congressman from Florida. Bathroom Sexaholics members were shocked to find out that in their midst is a sitting U.S. Senator named Larry Craig.
“How scandalous that would be if it turned out that a good, upstanding adulterer like John McCain is really a politician, running for President even!” exclaimed Peter Dick, president of the American Adulterers Association. “What a setback for the cause of adultery that would be. We do everything in our power to ensure that politicians don’t infiltrate our ranks, but every now and then one slips through.”
“The allegations that I have had anything to do with politics, or that I am tied to the Republican Party in any way, or that I am anything but one of the top adulterers in the country, are part of a smear job against me,” John McCain told reporters. “The timing of this story being leaked about me being a U.S. Senator seems like it was designed to do maximum damage to my sexual relations with Ms. Iseman.”
Some analysts and observers are saying that if it is discovered that John McCain is a politician, this could impair his credibility as a world class adulterer. There has been speculation that if McCain is a politician, both his wife and his misstresses may dump him for a non-politician.