John McCain Expresses Sexual Desire for Eva Longoria Parker


After a vigorous day of campaigning, Arizona Senator and aspiring presidential candidate John McCain reportedly told a friend that he would enjoy having sexual intercourse with 33-year-old Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria Parker.

“We were out having a beer”, the friend stated on condition on anonymity, “John says to me ‘hey, that Eva Longoria Parker is one hot babe. I’d love to f**k her’. Then he pointed down at his penis and made grinding motions!”


Parker, a Golden Globe and Emmy award nominee, was noticeably offended at the remark by McCain. “I’m a married woman. How DARE he have evil thoughts about me!” she told Unconfirmed Sources. “Not only that but he’s like totally disgusting! Keep his crippled hands off me!”

Parker’s husband Tom Parker was outraged at McCain’s lustful attitude toward his wife. “If he gets within ten feet of her I’m going to punch him in the nose”, Tom Parker stated.

Senator McClain remembers the conversation with his friend quite differently. “I simply said Eva Longoria Parker is an attractive woman and Tom is a very lucky man”, McCain stated. “I never suggested that I was going to have sex with her.”

The friend also stated that during the same conversation McCain also expressed a desire for sexual intercourse with pop superstar Britney Spears, French actress Juliette Binoche, and American actress Angelina Jolie.

Several witnesses in the bar corroborated the friends story. “It’s OK. McCain was juiced out of his head”, one of the patrons suggested.

“Not only that but he said he would like to have sex with Miley Cyrus as soon as she turns 18”, the friend claimed.

Later in the conversation McCain reportedly passed out and wet his pants.