Unconfirmed sources report that John McCain himself has lead an aerial assault on hurricane Gustav. The Air National Guard attacked hurricane Gustav last night in a valiant attempt to defend New Orleans from the monster storm. McCain came out of retirement to lead the raid with courage and determination. As his jet taxied out on the runway at the head of the lead element of the attack, he rallied the attack group by telling his fellow pilots to “Remember Katrina!”
The group of over two dozen attack fighters armed with the latest Chinese designed weather modification rockets tracked the storm and upon McCain’s personal command mounted their attack.
“The attack was a huge success.” Says McCain Campaign spokesmen Ben Lion. “The bombers engaged the storm and dropped their bombs with pinpoint accuracy. John McCain flew the lead plane and coordinated the massive attack. Americans should be proud of their Republican Presidential nominee tonight, very proud.”
Experts say it is too early to tell if the attack will save New Orleans from the hurricane’s destructive fury, but they all admitted that it couldn’t hurt.
“This is just the type of leadership America needs.” Says David Brooks, of the New York Times. “In the aftermath of Katrina the Republican really looked like dopes as party cronies failed miserably. The Republicans really needed to show the country that they could lead in this type of situation. Leading a military force against Gustav is a much better response then attending a political fund raiser as President George Bush did while New Orleans was being leveled by Katrina.”
Upon landing, McCain was swept up by members of the Air National Guard and hailed as a hero. In a speech from the tarmac, McCain promised to spend whatever it takes to repair the damage, real or imagined, Gustav will cause to New Orleans. “No matter the cost to future generations! New Orleans will be rebuilt! Remember Katrina” Shouted the nominee at the end of his speech.
McCain’s handlers were pleased with his performance and privately stated that the publicity stunt would no doubt erase from the minds of the American public the failures of the Republican administration in dealing with hurricane Katrina.