John McCain Quietly Replaces Sarah Palin.

Reports are that Republican presidential candidate, Arizona Senator John McCain, has quietly removed Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate in the November elections, just days before her first scheduled debate with Senator Joe Biden. Apparently, Mr. McCain’s fear is that Ms. Palin, a political neophyte on the national stage, will be badly beaten by Mr. Biden, a longtime Washington veteran. The problem facing Mr. McCain and his staff is how to change running mates in midstream without causing even further damage to his campaign.

Unnamed McCain Campaign spokesman, Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” Sure, it’s unprecedented. Sure, it’s politically risky, but certainly no riskier than having Sarah Palin actually open her mouth in front of a national audience again. I could kill that freaking Katie Couric. Asking Sarah actual questions, I mean, where’d that come from? Anyway, no matter. We think we’ve got the problem licked.”

Continuing to speak on the condition that if this shit actually flies, McCain will make him Secretary of…something cushy, Waterhouse continued, “Ask yourself this, who’s done more to damage Sarah Palin’s appeal…well, I mean more than Sarah herself and her stupid husband? Tina Fey. Who looks exactly like Sarah Palin, only a smidge hotter? Tina Fey. Who’s certainly smarter and quicker on the ball? Again, Tina Fey. So, if we do it right, and by right I mean giving Tina Fey more money than Midas- the king guy, not the muffler people- either way, more money than she’s ever seen in her life to keep her mouth shut and become Sarah Palin for five weeks until the election, we could pull it off. Once we win, Tina either continues to keep mum or has a tragic car accident on Mulholland Drive; it’s her choice.

While replacing Sarah Palin with Tina Fey seems to an inspired stroke of brilliance on Waterhouse’s part, the problem then becomes what to do with the real thing? Waterhouse, finally speaking on the condition that if McCain loses I don’t just drop his character again like I did once before said, “Simple, we make Sarah into Tina Fey. That chick (Sarah Palin, not Tina Fey) has a natural, if completely unintentional, gift for the comic absurd.”

(Authors Note: While we agree that Sarah Palin ” has a natural, if completely unintentional gift for the comic absurd.”, we don’t think she’s as funny as Tina Fey. Better to send her (Sarah Palin, not Tina Fey) on an extended moose hunt than Thirty Rock.)