(Washington, D.C.) In a move that may be as advised as the Bush administration’s “Mission Accomplished” declaration of 2003, presumptive Republican Presidential nominee John McCain held a press conference stating that his campaign and Mark Burnett, the producer of the CBS hit show “Survivor”, were in talks to have a special “mini-Survivor” in which McCain would be the star. “Finally I will squash, like I will my opponent come this November, all those who say I’m too old and too unfit to handle the office,” said a confident McCain.
McCain stressed that the talks are “still as tentative as my plan to invade Iran. I mean to begin pulling out troops of Iraq.” The “mini-Survivor” would not be an entire sixteen weeks but five. And it would also be geared to prove that McCain is able to successfully guide U.S. foreign policy. For that reason, the first choice location will be “Survivor: Iraq”. McCain explained that “everyone jumped all over me when I said that you can walk around Iraq without any body armor or military protection, and I supposedly had more men around me than Paris Hilton has in her sex tapes. Well, it’s time for a little straight talk. I’m ready to live in Iraq for five weeks with nothing more than a smile and guile, and I’ll come out just fine. Okay, I may have to have my wing tips resoled because of all the walking.”
While a recent poll showed 66% of Americans thought that Senator McCain’s age was not a factor in deciding if they would vote for him in the November Presidential election, 72.4% said his public image of drifting toward mild insanity might effect their ballot. Presumptive Presidential nominee Barack Obama wasted no time addressing that at a Scrabble tournament in Iowa. It was reported that Senator Obama looked down at a competitor’s board and said, “A six letter word for crazy? McCain.”
Calls to the “Survivor” offices were answered by producer Mark Burnett with candor. “Initially, I thought he was kidding; and when I started laughing, he became a bit angry. He used the word “punk” a lot too. He also mentioned that he was a lifetime NRA member, and asked if I knew what that meant. So I quickly realized, I’d better listen to him. ” McCain countered the statement with, “And that’s exactly how I’m going to handle Iran. I mean Iraq, ah, a direct exit strategy.”
Burnett admitted that he is interested enough in the idea to hold off on filming “Survivor: Micronesia” because “if nothing else this will truly show the American people the real John McCain and quite frankly while I don’t know what that NRA comment meant, it scares me.”
A final question by an AP reporter for Senator McCain of does he think he can survivor was met with “if I survived an endorsement by George Bush, I can survive this.”
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