WASHINGTON DC- Republican presidential hopeful,Senator John McCain’s cheek bulge, in case you’re interested, is a huge wad of chewing tobacco.

A staff member close to the Senator, who asked that he remain anonymous, told UCS that McCain chews massive wads of
tobacco during all his waking hours, and if deprived of it for any reason, he goes berserk, flying off the handle, berating and insulting anyone nearby.

A young congressional aide, wearing surgical gloves, empties a spittoon concealed behind the senator’s desk hourly.

A spokesman for RED MAN, the senator’s favorite brand, acknowledged that a weekly shipment goes to his office.

” Reports that we have contributed cash to his campaign are not true, although we don’t charge the senator for his tobacco as a gesture of good will.” said Jack Cassidy, a spokesman for RED MAN.

Interviewed in his office, McCain acknowledged that he chewed pounds of tobacco daily. ” Keeps me calm and cool.” he said; his spittoon giving a loud ping as a stream of brown tobacco juice arced, landing dead center.