Jong Il Challenges Bush over Ipods and Segways

Pyongyang, North Korea (APE) – Dictator Kim Jong Il today issued a rebuttal and challenge to the Bush administration over its proposed banning of luxury goods and technologies to North Korea that included Ipods, Segways, and fine Cognac. Jong Il issued a statement claiming that President Bush and America were no longer capable of responsibly maintaining and possessing advanced nuclear technologies. He further claimed that Bush and America were incapable of stewarding and using technologies such as the Segway and the I-Pod that they sought to ban from North Korea.

In a heated challenge, Jong Il concluded that he would be willing to face the president in a one-on-one competition with the winner having their way over the nuclear weapon issue. Jong Il proposed that the two should stand off on a prescribed course using Segways and I-Pods. After downing three shots of cognac in rapid succession, the two would attempt to navigate the course on Segways with I-Pods blaring their bootlegged music of choice. The winner would then hold sway over the nuclear proliferation issue.

The White House scoffed at what it called an obvious swipe at the president’s abilities, but did not rule out what it thought could possibly be a potential solution. “We have long maintained that the key to the North Korea Issue is multiparty involvement,” stated White House Press Secretary Tony Snow. “Perhaps If Kim were to allow others into the race, such as Vladimir Putin, and Hu Jintao, there may be something worth exploring.”

Early this morning, President Bush was seen on the south lawn of the White House practicing on the new four wheel prototype Segway Centaur, which is reportedly more stable and easier to handle than its two wheeled cousin. The White House insisted that the president was not injured during the session.