Though deadlocked on many key points, the jury deciding the fate of former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich have unanimously declared that he is an idiot and should never have served in public office.
“It’s hard to say if he even meant to do the things he did”, said one of the jury members. “If he meant to do them then he’s a simply dumb ass. If he didn’t mean to do them then he’s a total dumb ass. Either way he’s a dumb ass”.
Though there is no law in Illinois against being an unwitting dumb ass, many of the jury members say there should be and he should be locked up for that reason alone. However, Judge James B. Zagel instructed the jury that they cannot find him guilty of that particular charge. The jury has so far found the former governor guilty of two of the 22 charges against him.
Blagojevich’s defense maintains that the prosecution has not proven beyond a reasonable doubt that Blagojevich is anything but a stupid “nincompoop”. They claim he simply followed the advice of greedy bureaucrats and he was an unwitting fool for following them.
“I did not have sex with that woman”, Blagojevich stated as he was leaving the courthouse. It would appear Blagojevich was unaware that the case was about money laundering, selling a vacant senate seat and shaking down businesses for contributions but thought he was being tried for sexual molestation.