KALASHNIKOV RIFLE COMPANY SUES NASCAR DRIVER

MOSCOW – Kalashnikov, the manufacturer of the world’s most popular military weapon, the AK-47, announced today that it is suing NASCAR race car owner, Ted Conner, for breach of contract.

Igor Vladislov, spokesman for Kalashnikov, said his company had a signed contract to put the their logo on Conner’s Chevrolet.

“After we found out that 100% of NASCAR fans own automatic weapons, we paid forty thousand dollars to the Conner group and our logo never appeared. We want our money back plus damages,” said Vladislov.

“We just couldn’t find a spot on the car for the Kalashnikov logo,” said Ted Conner.

“The only bare spot is on the windshield and we can’t cover that as the driver must be able to see the track, and the Pampers Company just beat them for the last available spot, their diaper logo is on the bottom of the oil pan. We are going to refund Vladislov’s money. I’m really sorry. I offered to put their logo on driver Ken Yate’s left shoe, but they declined. If Yates wins the next 500, we plan to have guys fire Kalashnikovs into the air while he does wheelies and doughnuts to sort of make it up to them.”