Unconfirmed sources report that George W. Bush has awarded Karl Rove the Presidential Medal of Freedom for bravely beyond the call of duty in the Valerie Plame affair. New evidence before a Washington grand jury has outlined an amazing tail of intrigue and daring from within the White House itself. Evidence now suggests that a secret terrorist cell working inside the White House was responsible for the leak of CIA agent Valerie Plame’s identity and Karl Rove, the Presidents right hand man, fought and ultimately lost a secret battle to defend Plame’s identity.
“You couldn’t make a story with as many twists and turns as this one, it’s like a John Le’Carrre novel” says Robert Luskin, Rove’s lawyer. “It’s hard to believe it, but Karl and White House security staff have been waging a secret battle inside the White House to discover a daring terrorist cell working at the heart of our government. Karl fought a bitter battle to contain the terrorists and defend Ms Plame’s identity. He fought like hell to defend Plame and sadly lost. The rogue cell inside the White House defeated my client and framed him. I’m just glad the President and every good American sees the truth and won’t believe what everybody is saying. Karl is a Hero and deserves Presidential Medal of Freedom.”
“No comment.”, says out spoken supporter of Rove Bob Novak.
“Boy do I feel like a schlub.” admitted US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald of Chicago, who is heading up the investigation. “This new evidence puts the whole matter into a new light. I should have known it was a bunch of dirty terrorists the whole time. This cell probably has links to 9/11, Osama Bin-Laden and Saddam Hussein, and to think I thought this act could have been perpetrated by a good American like Karl Rove. I need to have my head examined.”
Once the details of Rove’s brave struggles against the terrorists, who managed to escape, became public, President Bush wasted no time in honoring his long time ally. The ceremony took place aboard Air Force One as it flew the President on a peace making tour of Europe.
“Karl Rove is the beating heart of America’s struggle in the war against terrorism. Karl and I are united in our resolve to fight and stop and punish those who would do harm to the American people. Karl’s words are my words, my words are Karl’s words and our deeds are our deeds.” said the President after the ceremony.
Rove is expected to be greeted with a ticker tape parade in Washington when he and the President return later this week.