In a surprise and shocking announcement today John Kerry announced that he is switching parties and will be running on the Republican ticket next election season.
In addition Kerry made a brief speech to the press today, touting his new found support for the war in Iraq.
“I know I voted for this war in the beginning for the legitimate reasons given at the time. Then I was duped by the Liberal Media and Democratic party into believing that the evidence for going to war against Iraq was fabricated. However, after pondering over the last few years, switching parties and supporting the Republican Party makes the most sense to me. It is self evident now that the Republican Party is taking our country in a positive and prosperous direction. I especially feel proud that Bush is still, to this day, headstrong in defending our country from Iraq. It takes a real man to ignore so much overwhelming evidence and stick to his guns. I have finally come to realize that we are in for the long haul, but it is a sacrifice that must be made.”
“We MUST make sure that Iraq does not try to disrupt our way of life again. The Iraqi people have tried to take away our freedoms and attack our country for far to long. After 9-11, it wasn’t clear to me why we should take action against Iraq. I was very naive then. Now it is obvious to me. How could we not attack Iraq? How could we just sit and wait for Iraq to attack us again?”
“In hind sight it was imperative that we go after Saddam rather than than that other guy…..ol’ whats his name. Sorry, his name is mentioned so little in Washington these days his name escapes me. It’s not important. Saddam was the real threat to our freedoms and way of life in the United States. Don’t fool yourself with facts.”
“I now stand behind the amazing leadership of Bush and support the idea of focusing most of our military strength, money and every soldier available on Iraq. That is a good, well thought out, solid plan. I can’t imagine why I ever doubted our beloved President. Sure we have lost 9 million jobs, our allies, a few buildings, a city, our military, and have overshot our federal budget. He still has some time left, I say we give the guy a chance to do something for a change.”
Teresa Heinz Kerry also had comments for the press regarding her husbands astonishing move.
“Now a days I wake up every day feeling secure knowing that Iraq is being dealt with. Not like before 9/11. I shutter at the thought of the days when Saddam was in power. I can’t remember a tougher time for the United States. I can remember, as most American people can probably recall, of being very stressed and afraid of Saddam and Iraq before 9/11. Everyday I would wake up and worry, what is Saddam going to do to the United States today? Why aren’t we dealing with that country?”
“Seriously, how much more abuse can the U.S. handle from Iraq before we take action? Now, those questions have been answered. I know that our children, our children’s children and our children’s children’s children will be safe from Iraq. Thank the God of your choice…errr…sorry…I mean thank JESUS… that Bush is taking care of Iraq so that we can all get on with our lives knowing that the real problem is being dealt with.”