WASHINGTON – First Lady Laura Bush has signed a one-year contract with the ABC television network. According to the contract, whose financial terms were not disclosed, Mrs. Bush will co-host ABC’s hit reality series Extreme Makeover: Home Edition with Ty Pennington. Airing on Sundays at 8:00 p.m., the show identifies deserving families down on their luck and sends them on short vacations. When they return, they find their houses have been transformed into stylish “homes.”
According to Tom Forman, executive producer and creator of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, “An assistant undersecretary to the First Lady called last week to ask what we were doing about hurricane relief and if we needed any help. I jokingly said, ‘Like we could use the First Lady as a co-host,’ and the next thing I knew her lawyers were talking to our lawyers and the deal was done.”
A producer at ABC said that Mrs. Bush will make her first appearance on a November 6 segment in which Extreme Makeover: Home Edition travels to New Orleans to the estate of a prominent attorney whose mansion was looted in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
“I could not believe the devastation,” said the First Lady in a prepared statement. “The main house looked like a war zone. When I saw what had happened there, I knew I had to get involved in some way.”
The attorney who owns the unfortunate mansion could not be reached for comment. He and his second wife are on vacation in the British Virgin Islands while their house is being restored. There was, however, no lack of commentary from Democratic legislators, some of whom questioned the First Lady’s motives.
“I find it distasteful that Mrs. Bush is stepping on the backs of the needy in an effort to advance her career,” said Harry Reid (D-NEV). “The owners of the mansion deserve to be in the spotlight, not Mrs. Bush.”
Joseph Biden (D-MBNA) claimed to see a pattern in the First Lady’s behavior.
“She’s still looking for her own niche,” said Biden. “If you recall, she used the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner in May to try to launch a career as a stand-up comic, but her description of herself as a sexually frustrated desperate housewife angered her husband’s lunatic fringe Christian base. What’s she going to try next, a singing career?”
Upon hearing Biden’s remarks, the Fox News network’s Bill O’Reilly challenged him to a duel on The O’Reilly Factor.
“Words, fists, guns–let him choose his poison,” said the normally placid O’Reilly. “And let him bring that sleazy second wife of his that he stole from a decent republican bar owner in Delaware.”
Next Oprah: Men who fake orgasms and the women who love them.