Washington-From a room in the White House very near the Presidential Bomb Shelter, President George W. Bush cited the recent subway bombings as evidence that foreign terrorists are sorry to see the British even consider leaving Iraq. Leaked secret reports that have appeared in British newspapers and been reprinted in totally unethical American major newspapers and weekly news magazines are of the cause of the blasts, Bush said. “Since reports that the British even considered reducing troop levels in Iraq closely preceded the mass transit explosions, it must mean that the terrorists are upset about the possible loss of peacekeepers in Arab lands.”, said the President.
In related comments, Bush said that the recent theft of a bright red fire truck in Canada and it being driven across the bridge into the United States was a sign that the Department of Homeland Security was doing their job. Since the driver of the truck, a British citizen, was coming from a friendly country, was apparently only intoxicated, and had paid the toll on the Canadian side of the bridge, these typical examples of national characteristics were why the driver was allowed access to drive around in the USA for many hours before the police were contacted. “If this would have been a real terrorist, the possibility of other terrorists being hurt in an explosion before they could have been sent to Guantanamo Bay for debriefing would have hindered our intelligence gathering capability.” Bush said.
“We will continue to deny safe haven to terrorists and rogue nations but we will not disparage our English speaking friends anywhere in the World.” Bush said. He commented that he did remember his aides reminding him that people with English accents were the “good guys” during briefings prior to the Group of Eight (G-8) annual meeting and was proud of the accomplishments.
In a follow-up deep cover briefing by Senior White House official Samuel (Strep) Throat, it was disclosed that President Bush really did know what he was talking about. He continued that the President had told him directly that “Working hard was a lot of hard work.” Bush is expected to spend the rest of today riding his bicycle.