Lori Drew fired from Unconfirmed Sources

NEW YORK–Lori Drew, the woman accused of causing many suicides through satire news writing, has been fired from the Unconfirmed Sources news network. Unconfirmed Sources editors were growing concerned about the declining readership, which has since been attributed to reader suicides.

“I guess our stories were so discouraging to Americans that our readers began to kill themselves, and that explains the declining readership,” said UCS editor Kamal El-Din. “People come on here, and a lot of what our writers write about contains enough germs of truth that people think it is all real, and so they go kill themselves.”

With the recent spate of satire-induced suicides, some legal scholars are questioning whether or not the end-of-story disclaimer is sufficient to avoid legal culpability.

“How big is the disclaimer at the end of the story? Is it transparent enough to readers? If not, Unconfirmed Sources could have a major, major legal problem on its hands,” said attorney Ike N. Steele. “I would be very concerned about a possible crackdown on satire.”

UCS editors are considering setting up a doorway page, which would require users to confirm that they understand that stories are just satire, and are no more true than FOX News stories.

“As an editor with UCS, I just want to tell the world that we are sorry. We are very sorry. We don’t mean to cause Americans to commit suicide. I guess I should have thought about this one more closely, because there have been close calls for me, where I almost overdosed on sleeping pills after watching FOX News. So I know fake news could cause suicide,” El-Din said.