Los Angeles Man Gets New Job


Despite the fact that millions of Americans are being laid off every day, 36-year-old California resident Jim Winters has actually managed to get a new job.

Due to declining enrollment, Winters, along with dozens of others, was laid off from his job at Brooks Institute last fall. He had been collecting unemployment since then.

“My new job doesn’t pay as well as my old job”, Winters told Unconfirmed Sources. “But, hey, I’m working again!”

Winters formerly worked as an admissions representative at the Santa Barbara based college but has since found a position in IT sales for a Los Angeles company.

“They figured if I could talk a kid into spending 150 grand to go to college for three years then I could sell anything”, Winters said with a smile.

President Barack Obama hailed Winters employment as proof that the economy is turning around. “I hadn’t expected such dramatic results so quickly”, Obama stated. “But Mr Winters new employment proves that the economy is turning around! Pretty soon more Americans will be finding jobs!”

Shortly after Winters made his announcement, Microsoft, Inc announced it may have a job opening next month thus removing another American from the unemployment lines.

“We haven’t made any firm decisions yet”, said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer. “But it appears there may be a lower management position available at the end of April”.

Shortly after Ballmer made hisd announcement Microsoft Headquarters was inundated with over 6 million applicants for the position.