(Los Angeles-CA) Directly on the heels or insert the body part of your choice of this week’s Christie’s auction of a full frontal nude photograph of Madonna selling for over $37,000.00, the original Material Girl announced today at a Regent Beverly Wilshire press conference that she will be shedding some material to help with the Obama stimulus package. “I regret that I have but two breasts to give to my country,” said Madonna echoing patriot Nathan Hale. “But, we’re going to be taking lots of pictures. The studio will be cold. So I don’t think they’ll disappoint.”
Former John McCain supporter, Ebay President and a female who will not be flashing her bosom for the stimulus package, Meg Whitman immediately used her influence with the internet auction house Ebay to secure the exclusive rights to sell the photographs and donate the commission to the stimulus package as well. “Drastic times call for drastic measures,” said Whitman at a press conference. When asked by an AP reporter if she thought the current economic situation bordered on the catastrophic, Whitman didn’t hesitate. “When Phyllis Diller poses nude, then it’s catastrophic.” Ms. Diller was unavailable to comment currently being the headline comic on a Celebrity Cruises “Golden Years” package in the Bahamas.
When asked by reporters why she decided to be photographed nude after so many years, since her 1992 “Sex” book, Madonna was candid. “You’ll notice that I’m not using my British accent. That’s because this is the new me. Guy and I are through. This is a birth. And when you’re born, you’re nude. And when you’ve got a body like this at 50, wouldn’t you want to show it off?” The standing ovation given that statement by the press corps removed all doubt as to the answer. However in lieu of a Certificate of Authenticity attached to the photographs to be auctioned, an independent physician will examine “Madonna’s breasts, thighs and buttocks as well as key facial areas to prove no cosmetic surgery has been done,” said Whitman.
The Obama administration has not officially released a statement on Madonna’s offer. However, President Obama did address it at a stop in Kentucky to sell his stimulus package. “If Congress had the motivation, love of country and the bosom that certain pop entertainers possess, this stimulus package would have been passed and signed last month.” When asked by a reporter if he was referring to Madonna, the President replied, “Well, I’m not talking about Nancy Pelosi or John Boehner.”