Mark Foley's iPod Has Inflate-A-Mate Sex Ad

(Washington, D.C.) It just goes from the oyster scene in Spartacus to Gary Glitter in Thailand for former Florida Representative Mark “Do I Make You Horny” Foley. A commercial for an inflatable sex doll was found on his iPod, according to investigative journalist Bob Woodward, who is already working on a book about the scandal. When asked by the press how he could be writing an account of events that haven’t even been investigated yet, Woodward replied, “It never stopped me before.”

In the book titled “TXT-a-ment of a Scandal”, Woodard claims that the landscaper of the physician to Representative John Shimkus, who oversees the Congressional page program, found the iPod in question during a routine check up of Representative Shimkus’ prostate. Woodward attributes Shimkus as saying to his doctor, by way of the doctor’s landscaper, “You can’t imagine how this Foley thing has become a pain in the ass.” To which Shimkus’ doctor is alleged to have replied, “Oh, I think I know.” This combined with the actual iPod commercial now posted on The Smoking Gun lead Woodward to conclude, “This thing stinks.”

House Speaker Dennis “Until Two Weeks Ago I didn’t Know What Text Messaging Was” Hastert issued the following statement: “If this was in fact on former Representative Foley’s iPod and if Representative Shimkus was holding it in…uh… back, you have to admit THAT’S party dedication.” Hastert then added, “And let me just add; if you listen to the spot, at least it’s about women being viewed as sexual objects, so Mr. Foley is getting better.”

When asked for his comments on the recent events, President Bush simply said, “I stand behind iPod. And I stand WAY behind that iPod.”

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