(New York-NY) At a press conference held today at New York’s Saint Regis hotel, former New York State Governor Eliot Spitzer and South Carolina State Governor Mark Sanford announced that they would be forming an independent party. Or as former Governor Spitzer put it “we plan on putting the ‘party’ back in political party.”
Governor Sanford, who recently confessed to having an extramarital affair with an Argentine woman, was more subdued, but equally as confident in the new party. “I believe that our former transgressions, or in my case current transgression, since I have no intention on breaking off this affair, give both former Governor Spitzer and I a bond that will allow us to reach across the aisle.” When asked by a reporter if this was true, former Governor Spitzer replied, “Why should he break off the affair? Have you seen this woman!” The reporter then clarified his statement: Is a bi-partisan party possible? To which former Governor Spitzer replied, “Oh that, yeah….sure.”
The new party came about after Governor Sanford disappeared last week without telling his aides or family his exact whereabouts for six days, initially claming he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail in the Eastern United States. But the Appalachian Trail thing basically fell apart after he was seen returning by plane from Buenos Aires Wednesday. Governor Sanford then admitted he “created a fiction” and was actually visiting his lover in Argentina for the Father’s Day weekend. Another reporter asked former Governor Spitzer if this type of behavior was fitting for a political party. “For most parties, no,” replied Client Number Nine. “For our party, that qualifies him to be Chairman.” Former Governor Spitzer went on to defend his party member calling him “honest. He said he was hiking in the mountains. Okay, so the mountains were on the South American continent instead of the North American continent. I’m bad at geography too.”
Governor Sanford then mentioned that the two share a similar economic philosophy. “As you know, I went on a junket in 2008 to meet my ‘friend’, and it was alleged that I misused public funds. Mr. Spitzer was alleged to have taken campaign funds in order to pay for his ‘dates.’ Both of us, though never proven guilty, paid back those funds. This shows not only that we are honest but know sound fiscal policy.”
Former Governor Spitzer did admit, “There are several inherent philosophical differences that need to be addressed. As an example, why waste time trying to court the other woman when all you need is the back section of The Village Voice and an American Express card?”
When asked to comment, Governor Sanford simply replied, “We agree to disagree.”
Both men’s wives, standing by them, refused comment.