Mark Sanford denies allegations of being a politician

COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA — Mark Sanford, board member of the American Adulterers Association, held a press conference to deny rumors that he is a politician.

“The allegations that I am a politician are outrageous. I have never been a politician, nor am I a politician now, nor do I have any interest in becoming a politician,” said an embattled Mr. Sanford. “I am not a governor. I have never had anything whatsoever to do with politics. I have never been anything other than a model adulterer all of my life.”

President of the American Adulterers Association, Harry Beaver, said that if it turns out to be true that Mark Sanford has been a politician, serious penalties could be levied against him, such as excommunication from the prestigious organization.

“Our organization is about promoting good, wholesome, extramarrital sex. We have nothing to do with passing laws and taxing people,” Beaver said.

Other members of the AAA are saying that these accusations that Sanford might be involved with politics are scandalous. They all agree that adulterers would be given a bad name if it turns out they have politicians in their ranks.

“It is kind of troubling to think that there might be some politicians amongst us,” said AAA member Ken Cheat. “If our organization has been infiltrated by politicians who are masquerading as adulterers, then we need to deal with this problem. This Sanford guy needs to be investigated to make sure he isn’t running a secret life as a politician.”