McCain Alleges Voter Fraud

As his poll numbers even in traditionally conservative states continue to sink, Republican Senator John McCain has once again raised the specter of voter registration fraud. In his usual understated and calm manner Mr. McCain said America could be facing, “one of the greatest frauds in voter history”. And while numerous investigations have dismissed challenges against the Liberal voter registration group ACORN as overblown, Mr. McCain may still have a case to make regarding voter fraud. Mark Anthony Jacoby, owner of Young Political Majors, a firm hired by the California Republican Party was arrested Saturday in Ontario, California on a warrant issued by the Los Angeles District Attorney. Mr. Jacoby faces four felony charges, including two counts of voter registration fraud and two counts of perjury.

Mr. Jacobs has also been accused by dozens of voters of tricking them into registering as Republicans. He is even accused of duping himself into registering himself to vote twice- in 2006 and in 2007- using the address of a childhood home in Los Angeles where he no longer lived.

In addition Jacoby was employed as a sub-contractor of Arno Political Consultants, which is a signature gathering group. In 2005, Massachusetts voters alleged that Mr. Jacoby’s employees tricked them into signing an anti-gay marriage petition by telling them they were signing a ballot question about the sale of wine in grocery stores. The question in this case of whether Mr. Jacoby is really smart or these people were really stupid remains unanswered.

Unnamed McCain Campaign Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, ” Maverick that he is, Johnny (McCain) has decided that the best way to combat voter fraud is by setting a good example. So we applaud the arrest and future conviction of Mark Jacoby. After all, we’re committed to cutting loose anyone who gets caught lying, cheating and stealing on behalf of the Republican Party.”

When it was pointed out that so many people lie, cheat and steal on behalf of the Republican Party that if Senator McCain cuts them all loose there wouldn’t be much of a Party left, Waterhouse, speaking on the condition that his old boss, George W. Bush, promised him a blanket pardon for everything he’s ever done since he was six years old said, ” Don’t be stupid- I didn’t say everybody who does it…I said everybody that gets caught. Don’t you even read the crap you make up?”

(Authors Note: He’s right, I very rarely do.)