McCain Campaign Found Dead

Unconfirmed sources are reporting that the presidential campaign of Republican hopeful John McCain had been found dead. The McCain campaign was reportedly found dead in a motel room in Fairview Iowa. The gruesome discovery was made by a group of reporters who had been searching for the McCain campaign for several weeks.

“I couldn’t believe it.” Said NPR reporter Ron Elving. “We knocked on the door of the room, it swung open and then we saw it. The campaign was just lying on the bed. It looked like it had been there a while. I’m shocked, I just can’t believe it’s dead. It looked so healthy just a few weeks ago.”

John McCain speaking in Maine, at his 719th town hall meeting, seemed unaware of the situation and acted as if he didn’t fully understand the significance of the discovery, saying only that “…my campaign has been declared dead before.”

The Obama campaign issued a statement offering it’s condolences to the family of the campaign and wished John McCain luck in his future endeavors.

The local coroner’s report hasn’t been released yet, but officials close to the case have admitted privately that the campaign seems to have died from neglect.