McCain Narrowly Avoids Shoot Down Over Baghdad Green Zone

Baghdad, Iraq (APE)- “Boy, to quote Chairman Mao, it’s always darkest before everything fades to black,” exclaimed a shaken Republican Presidential candidate, Arizona Senator John McCain. McCain’s helicopter was nearly shot down as it rose from the Green Zone in Iraq for a fact finding flight over the streets of Baghdad. Also aboard were other members of his presidential campaign staff, senators Lindsay Graham, R-SC, and Joe Lieberman I-CT.

A spokesperson for the Army stated that the helicopter was undamaged and immediately returned to base after taking fire from rocket propelled grenades. The aircraft would be removed temporarily for further inspection and cleaning as the interior was reportedly soiled during the attack.

Also making a surprise visit to Iraq was vice president Dick Cheney, who had arrived aboard Air Force Two late last night. The White House acknowledged that Cheney was in Iraq to pursue further negotiations with the Iraqi government and not for a rumored meeting with McCain to nail down his potential running mate. The White house vehemently denied that the two parties were now effectively pinned down within the Green Zone as a flurry of car bombings and attacks erupted across the city.

“We are witnessing the last throes of the surge insurgency,” stated a confident Cheney. “A couple of RPG’s randomly lobbed at a helicopter doesn’t mean that it’s not safe to don body armor and walk or drive down the streets of Baghdad and shop in the markets in broad daylight. These are romantic times for Iraqis and Americans alike.”

Cheney is expected to continue his mideast tour starting tomorrow, when he is scheduled to visit Dubai, Saudi Arabia, and other allies to solicit funds for propping up the widening failures of brokerage firms in the US.