McCain Outlines Medical Plan for the Wealthy

Republican presidential candidate and Arizona Senator John McCain said this weekend that he is working on a health care reform proposal that will ensure quality medical care for the rich and powerful.

“We must ensure that the wealthiest Americans have access to quality medical care”, McCain said in a statement. “The good health of the wealthy is essential to a vibrant and healthy economy!”

McCain pointed out that many CEO’s and Top Level Managers at most Fortune 500 companies suffer from hypertension, diabetes, arthritis or poor eyesight. In addition, many retired CEO’s are forced to abandon or cut back their golf games because of heart disease, liver trouble or kidney disease.

“I have heard that many wealthy Americans are falling prey to alcohol abuse, prescription drug abuse, poor diets, lack of exercise and aging”, McCain continued. “We must have a health care policy that ensures top quality medical care, access to health clubs, saunas, Jacuzzis and, when needed, round-the-clock nursing care.”

Republican members of Congress praised McCain’s proposal. Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell said, “It’s about time someone gave a damn about the rich in this country. I fully support McCain’s proposal and I throw all my efforts behind his election campaign”.

Some Democratic Senators strongly disagreed with McCain’s plan. “Is he on some sort of PTSD medicine?”, asked Senator and Presidential hopeful Barack Obama. “That man shouldn’t be allowed to walk the street never mind run for President”.

McCain later said he plans on offering a proposal to offer housing and transportation for the rich.

“But for now I want the wealthy to be healthy!” McCain stated to cheers from his audience at the Wilshire Hotel.