Republican Arizona Senator John McCain skipped out on a debate with Senator Barack Obama this week to single-handedly tackle the greatest financial crisis since the Great Depression.
McCain deftly seized control of the nations books and financial records and somehow managed to eliminate the entire $9.8 trillion debt the Bush administration has amassed over the past eight years. He actually left the country with a $2.6 trillion surplus.
“I felt it was my duty to conquer this problem before I became President”, McCain stated to thousands of admiring onlookers. “Now that the financial crisis has been resolved we can turn our attention to important matters”.
McCain discovered that Washington Mutual Bank (WaMu), which the government recently took over, was actually operating in the black all along.
“The WaMu problem has been resolved”, McCain continued. “It was a simple accounting error which involved moving a couple of decimal spaces.”
Using creative mathematics and accounting techniques, McCain managed to restore the fiscal health of the United States, all banks and financial instituttion and restore our waning dignity in the eyes of the world.
Meanwhile, Senator Obama had nothing but praise for his rival. “He sure is smart”, Obama was overheard saying to an associate.
Later Obama himself backed out of a debate with McCain agreeing that he had no chance of winning.
Later this afternoon McCain awoke from his nap and realized this entire story is a crock of shit.