McCain Volunteer Beats Self to a Pulp


Ashley Todd, 20-year-old college student from College Station, Texas, admitted today that she beat herself up after realizing she had been supporting John McCain for President of the United States.

“I suddenly realized I was making a complete ass out of myself”, Todd told police investigators. “I’ve been campaigning for the wrong guy. To save face I beat myself up, carved a B in my face and told people I got robbed by a six foot four, black Obama supporter”.

Psychologists claim Todd is suffering from a syndrome not uncommon in college students called “sudden realization”. People with this condition oftentimes unwittingly engage in self-destructive actions then ‘wake up’ from their irresponsible behaviors and attempt to find a means of justification. Frequently this only results in more self destruction.

Todd said she started reading between the lines of McCain’s campaign and realized that if college students voted for McCain they would no longer receive students loans or grants and most scholarships would be severely curtailed. In addition, she suddenly realized that many of her high school friends were now in Iraq and some of them have already died, with McCain’s support. She realized that she herself would have to drop out of college if McCain was elected.

“I’ve been telling her all along that McCain is a fricking piece of (expletive)”, said Todd’s former best friend Wendy Shank.

Todd is one of three college students who are actively promoting McCain for President.