Pomona, CA (Rotters) – Republican presidential candidate John McCain along with wife, beer heiress Cindy McCain, today signed on to a controversial petition to rollback the drinking age to 18 on college campuses. Meeting with the heads of Occidental, Pomona, Dartmouth, Duke, Johns Hopkins, and Tufts University, McCain signed on board with the rollback to fight students drinking by themselves in their rooms. The McCain campaign stated that this move would herald a new Republican party strategy to increase voter registration and cull away young voters from the Barack Obama campaign.
The Republican Party would be partnering with presumptive First Lady and Arizona beer heiress Cindy McCain to kick off a nationwide series of weekend beer garden/voter registration drives on college campuses. The McCain campaign was optimistic that this single issue alone might undercut the Democrat’s success with young voters thus far.
“We have to drink here and drink now!” an enthusiastic McCain opined to administrative officials in attendance. “It’s also important that we stress offshore drinking, particularly on spring breaks, and free up leases for bars in previously protected locations across America. It would be a tremendous psychological boost to the economy.”
The Republican national committee, in a coordinated announcement today, stated that they would be handing out breathalyzer tubes at the Republican convention with the inscription, “Obama Alcohol Policy” imprinted on the side.
“Alcohol has been very good to Cindy and I,” stated McCain. “Without it I don’t think I would have been able to finish fifth from the last in my Naval Academy class. Later in life I don’t know how else I would’ve had the courage to get back in the saddle after losing five jets.”
Cindy McCain announced that her beer distributor ship and microbrewery in Arizona would be producing a special old pale ale as a promotional for the registration drive on college campuses.