McDonalds Launches Exercise Campaign

New York, NY (Rotters) – “It’s what I eat and what I do … I’m lovin’ it.” This is the new campaign from from America’s favorite hamburger franchise amidst criticism over their role in the fattening of America. The campaign was launched in one of the busiest McDonalds in the world in Times Square, New York City. It also comes at a time when a potentially damaging lawsuit over claims that McDonalds contributed to a number of individuals’ obesity has been reinstated. McDonalds states that the campaign will be spearheaded by a change in their commercial presentations, in which exercise rather than food will be featured.

Present for the roll-out was McDonalds’ Vice Chairman and CEO, James a Skinner. “People should in no way link our sense of public responsibility to the potential outcomes of these baseless lawsuits. McDonalds is simply ahead of the curve in recognizing and addressing the national disaster of obesity in America and the world.” Skinner stated. “Exercise is the key, and not the amount or type of of food you eat. The McDonalds of the future will be a lean, mean, exercise machine. The catch phrase for the next generation will be ‘Do you want reps with that?’ “

McDonalds’ CEO James Skinner poses with the company’s beloved clown Ronald

A number of athletes have already signed onto the campaign which is set to debut this coming May. They include Venus and Serena Williams, and possibly Wayne Gretzky. Also, an animation is planned which will show cartoon characters of a number of McDonalds’ healthy menu items exercising together.

Plans are also in the works for assigning personal fitness coaches to restaurants which feature children’s play areas with an eye towards pushing kids through a real “obstacle course” type of workout. Also, in the coming months, McDonalds will introduce Happy Meals packaging which will feature reinforced handles and false bottoms filled with sand to bring the weight up to one, two, and three pound increments. Young children will hopefully be encouraged to use them as dumbbells while they are eating and acquire early on the new “super size me” vocabulary.

Mr. Skinner concluded, “Our own research has shown that we simply can’t sit around like couch potatoes and leave the marketing of physical fitness to the likes of Nike, gyms, and equipment manufacturers. We are in the business of selling food, and if our customers feel that they can’t afford the calories, we’re doomed.”