Sultry, sexy Megan Fox announced today that she plans to be married at the end of April next year. However, she has not yet found a suitable mate.
“I’m soooo sexy I can marry anyone I want”, the 23 year old star of the new film Jennifer’s Body told Unconfirmed Sources. “There isn’t a man on this planet, including gay guys, that can resist me”.
After Fox made her announcement tens of thousands of prospective suitors lined up outside her home, many with placards reading “Pick ME Megan!!!” Many men dropped off resumes outlining their qualifications.
“I’m very particular”, Fox said”. The man I marry must be worth at least $200 million. He must be caring and sensitive. He must be under 30, great in bed, have a fantastic bod and have at least a 10 inch cock”.
Fox claimed she has found men with either the sensitivity, the money, the bod or the cock but has yet to find a man who possesses all these characteristics.
“I would have also said he’s gotta worship me but I don’t have to say that because all men do”, she said.
“I would marry her in a heartbeat”, said Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. “But I’m at least two inches short in the cock department. Maybe she’ll take another $900 million in exchange for the two inches?”
“I have almost everything she’s looking for” said billionaire investor George Soros. “The only problem is I’m 79 years old. I’ve got the sensitivity, the money, the bod and the cock. Maybe she”ll marry me if I promise to leave her everything”.
Another billionaire investor who claims he has nearly all the requirements for Fox is 28 year old entrepreneur Jay Babcock. “The only problem is, I have only $90 million. I’ve made some good investments but I doubt I’ll have the money by April”.
Fox claims she will not compromise on her ideal mate and “is certain he’s out there somewhere”.