Mel Gibson: Tom Cruise's Baby, "Suri, The Ant-Christ"

(Los Angeles–CA) It’s L. Ron Hubbard versus Jesus H. Christ, or at least their emissaries on earth. According to, Mel Gibson is quoted as saying in an upcoming edition of Opus Dei’s magazine, O.G.G. (Original Gangsta God), that “the birth of that child marks the end of civilization as we know it.” Calls to confirm the truth of the statement were met with a terse e-mail from Defamer: “It’s on the web, so we don’t have to prove it’s true.” Attempts to reach Opus Dei offices have been less successful, being an extremely secretive religious society apparently not even members know its location, which Gibson said in the same article “makes conventions really tough to get together.”

Gibson went on to blast the Church of Scientology, saying, in an Australian accent that faded in and out like Dick Cheney’s heartbeat, “there is only one true God; and if you want to see him rent a DVD of The Passion of the Christ. When the Aussie actor was asked if he literally meant the birth of Suri Cruise was that of the ant-christ, Gibson pulled no punches. “Do you think the release of Mission Impossible III after her birth was just a coincidence? If that doesn’t mark the beginning of the end, I don’t know what does.” The O.G.G. feature then went on to say that Gibson took a long drag from his ever present Marlboro, exhaled the smoke through his nostrils and said, “And let’s face it. It was a Virgin birth