Michael Chertoff And His Gut Announce Presidential Bid

(Washington) In a surprise move U.S. Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff has thrown his hat into the ring for the presidency in 2008. Secretary Chertoff filed papers today and entered the already crowded Republican field. Chertoff is positioned to be a strong law and order candidate and one with real homeland security and terror fighting street cred.

“The Chertoff candidacy is a winner.” Says Republican strategist Louis Grim. “Chertoff is the picture of guy who knows how to be tough, trusts his gut, and take the heat without faltering. In this new meaner uglier world we live in Chertoff is the kind of mean ugly guy we may need in the next few years.”

The announcement has sent shock waves through the Republican field with several candidates talking openly about withdrawing from the race.

The Guliani camp, however, has greeted the announcement with relish and is prepared to fight tooth and nail for the Republican nomination. “Sure Chertoff is the U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security, but Rudy was the man on the ground at 911.” Says aid Bob Givens. “When the shit hit the fan it was Rudy who was there at 911. During 911 it was Rudy Guliani standing on that rubble pile. It was Rudy Guliani who kept this nation fighting on 911. That’s all America needs to remember.”

In unrelated news Secretary Chertoff announced an orange terror alert for all the states carried by the Democrats in 2004.