Michael Phelps Spotted Taking Painkillers and Performance Enhancing Substances


As if the marijuana charges against him weren’t enough, several close friends of Michael Phelps admit they have seen the Olympic Champion athlete taking painkillers and performance enhancing substances.

“He was over my house a few weeks ago”, said Sharon Joyce, a 23-year-old college coed. “He told me he had a headache and asked for some pain relievers. I gave him some Tylenol and he just gulped them right down. Twenty minutes later he said he was feeling no pain”.

It would appear this has not been the first time Phelps has self-medicated. Unconfirmed Sources reveal that over the past few years Phelps has also consumed aspirin, naproxen (the active ingredient in Aleve), Nyquil, calcium carbonate (to relieve indigestion) and Theraflu.

“One time after we ate this huge pizza I gave him some Tums”, admitted Josh Calderon, a former schoolmate of Phelps.

Phelps’ coach also admitted that the swimmer has been bulking up on performance enhancing substances such as carbohydrates, protein and sugar. Doctors agree that protein and carbohydrates are essential in the production of male testosterone and this could give him an unfair advantage over swimmers who do not consume those substances. Sugar gives him an added burst of energy.

Phelps physician, Dr. Hoary Gupta, claims he had no idea about Phelps use of pain relieving medications and performance enhancing substances. “I swear, I never prescribed anything that would give Michael an unfair advantage. If he was using these drugs he must have been getting them over the counter”.

The International Olympic Committee (IOC) said they were not concerned about Phelps use of marijuana because marijuana does not improve performance. The did suggest that they would investigate the doping allegations.

When asked for comment about the allegations Phelps simply said, “huh? What?”