During a campaign rally this afternoon, Minnesota Republican Michele Bachmann emphatically stated that being gay is a choice and she knows this from personal experience.
“I chose to marry a man even though men don’t do anything for me and I am sexually attracted to women”, the aspiring Presidential candidate told Unconfirmed Sources. “Women are sooo sensual”.
Bachmann declared that if she can choose to go against her own lesbian nature then all other homosexuals can do the same.
“We can choose to be straight if we wish!” Bachmann told her audience. “We don’t have to give into out wanton cravings and desires! We can live normal, Christian lives like the Bible tells us!”
Bachmann said that she has been attracted to women from an early age but has managed to fight all temptation to have sex with her own gender.
Bachmann claims she has personally saved several young men and women from going down the path to homosexuality though “counseling, Bible studies and the occasional crack of the whip”.
“A little corporal punishment can go a long way!” Bachmann stated. She then hoisted her skirt and displayed some of her own scars inflicted in her youth by “a very strict pastor who saved me”.