Microsoft Hires Jerry Seinfeld to Patch Vista Code Base

(Redmond Washington) Ucs Tech News– The embattled Microsoft Corporation has turned to long time “Windows Fan Boy” and OS master architect Jerry Seinfeld to reverse the fortunes of it’s struggling Vista operation system. Well know for his comedic talent Seinfeld is also a skilled systems architect credited with almost singlehandedly saving the PDP-11 unix kernel.

Speaking to reporters with Steve Ballmer by his side, Seinfeld outlined his strategy for beleaguered operation system. “First I’ll take a few weeks to look over the code then I’ll sit down with Bill Gates and tell the one about the Pope and two blind Jews at liquor store.”

Later speaking seriously Seinfeld detailed his objectives. He would revamp the
Network Access Protection (NAP) protocols. Update Windows Server 2008 domain controller software. Promote the use of the 64-bit version of Vista.

According to Seinfeld it is “Far more secure than the 32-bit version and the 64-bit version contains a security feature called Address Space Layout Randomizer, which causes a random offset to be applied when system files are loaded. This randomization foils many of the exploits that are commonly used against Windows XP.”

Seinfeld stated he would create a new security feature called Data Execution Prevention. This feature keeps executable code from running in certain areas of the system’s memory. According to Seinfeld his concept of the feature would enforce Data Execution Prevention at the hardware level making it much more secure.