Microsoft Patents New Skype Technology To watch You Masturbate


A newly patented Microsoft technology called Legal Intercept that would allow the company or government officials to secretly intercept, monitor and record Skype calls, watch people undress, have sex and masturbate is causing privacy concerns.

CALEA (Communications Assistance for Law Enforcement Act) requires telecommunications carriers and makers of communications equipment to enable their equipment so it can be used for surveillance purposes by federal law enforcement agencies but the technology can also be used by anyone in government who wants to peer into the private lives of private citizens.

“We do have some bugs to work out”, said Microsoft spokesperson Martha Fuego. “But we are fully in compliance with the law!”

The United States Supreme Court has set aside the Fourth Amendment to allow this type of ‘electronic eavesdropping’ in order to capture terrorists, uncover Weapons of Mass Destruction, bring down spies, allow the flow of commerce and “to have a bit of fun” according to security expert Joel Zika.

“Legal Intercept is a legal way for the government to spy on anyone it wishes”, Zika claimed. “I might suggest that anyone who downloads Skype software keeps their clothes on and the conversation clean!”

Zika stated that the government is also listening in on cell phones and all types of wireless communication.

“Most Microsoft and Skype employees also have access to the software”, Zika continued. “So you better be good because they’re watching you!”

“I’m not having Skype sex with my boyfriend anymore!” said blond secretary Jessica Joues. “If they want to watch me they’ll have to come over to my house!”