Microsoft to Sue Apple over iPhone


Redmond, WA (APE) – Multibillionaire and founder of Microsoft, Bill Gates, today announced that he is pursuing legal recourse against Apple Inc. in regards to their recent rollout of the iPhone. He stated that Microsoft would be pursuing an undisclosed sum in punitive damages from Apple, claiming that Microsoft was the victim of industrial espionage, and that the entire concept of the iPhone was stolen from them.

Gates then unveiled the zPhone, a multifunction cellular phone based upon Microsoft’s Zune handheld multimedia platform. The Zune was released late last year as Microsoft’s response to the popular and ever-expanding Apple iPod. Gates claimed that the zPhone would feature a mobile version of Microsoft’s newest operating system, Windows Vista. He also stated that the revolutionary phone would be able to run and utilize an Apple operating system and software if the consumer so desired.

Gates refused to speculate as to how Apple accomplished the theft of his innovations, but stated lawyers for Microsoft felt that the decision to give away thousands of the Zune devices as a promotional gimmick may have had something to do with it. Gates maintained that Windows Vista would be released at the end of the month on schedule, and that Microsoft engineers were confident the theft of the zPhone did not represent a significant security threat to the overall operating system.

Apple founder Steve Jobs was reached for comment, and dismissed Microsoft’s suit outright as ludicrous. “When you’re number two and trying harder just doesn’t seem to work, I guess you just cheat,” stated Jobs.