Unconfirmed sources report that peace has broken out across the entire Middle East in response to President Bush’s soothing remarks. The situation in Iraq and the West Bank has cooled dramatically over night as the Presidents denial of responsibility sinks in across the region. The Arab world has come to understand that the US’s disastrous polices concerning the region are not the Presidents fault, but are the fault of the people who have elected and then re-elected him.
President George W. Bush said there’s no need to hold anyone in his administration accountable including hismelf for what’s happened in Iraq because the voters have already spoken. Bush told The Washington Post that he views his re-election as a complete endorsement of his Iraq policy.
“I’ve never seen anything like it.” Said BBC reporter Seth Barker from Baghdad. “It’s like someone turned off the tap. The city has gone quiet, gone is the steady beat of distant and not so distant explosions, gone are the mortars streaking into the green zone, heck I hardly hear any machine gun fire. It’s kind of spooky really. I would never have believed anything the president could say or do could calms things here, but I’m telling you things are quiet here.”
“I’m flabbergasted.” Admitted Middle East expert Juan Cole of the web site Informed Comment. “I have once again mis-underestimated the President’s grasp of the Arab street. If you had told me that by blaming the American public for his ludicrous Iraq policy Bush would calm things in the region; I would have said you were crazy. But how can I argue with such successes. My sources on the Arab street explained it to like this: Arabs now understand that the bad policies of the administration are not the Presidents fault, but are the fault of the American people. The President and the troops on the ground are just trying to make do in a bad situation that they are not responsible for. Middle Eastern people have finally separated the American public from the policies of their Government and now see that George Bush is actually on their side. Wow.”
“It’s true. I voted for the President so I fully endorse and take full responsibility for the crappy, self-destructive and infantile policies of the US Government towards Iraq.” Admitted unemployed factory worker Bob Neadimeyer. “I don’t know a thing about what was going on over there so no wonder things have gone to hell. I’m just glad that folks over there now know it’s my fault and not the President’s. And I’ll tell ya what, if they don’t like what my elected leaders are doing on my behalf, then they can just come over here and try to do something about it.”