Miley Cyrus Sells Herself; Clothes

Newly acclaimed pop sensation and Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus has put herself and some of her clothes up for auction on EBay this afternoon. So far the bidding for the date alone has hit a staggering $5,900.00.

The high bidder will get to attend the opening of Cyrus new movie which also stars the voices of John Travolta, Malcolm McDowall and “a bunch of nobodies”, according to Cyrus.

Herb Alvagore, a 27 year old construction worker, has his house on the market in an effort to buy a date with the 15-year-old diva.

“I would love to go on a date with her”, the burly construction worked declared. Maybe we’d hit it off, go back to her place, which I’m sure if a helluva lot nicer than the sh*t hole I live in, then we could…”

A reporter interrupted Alvagore to remind him that Cyrus is only 15. The legal age for consent in the state of California is 18.

In addition to selling herself, Miley is also selling various articles of her clothing including a dress, a t-shirt, assorted undergarments and her first training bra.

“I sold my Rolex just so I could get a pair of her panties”, said New York tax consultant Josh Edwards. “But don’t tell anyone I did that!”

Edwards said he would pay a higher price if the panties were soiled.

Proceeds from the auction will go to the Pappy Cyrus Family Foundation which supports underprivileged children.

“I heard that some kids have to get jobs like cleaning bed pans or sweeping floors and stuff”, Miley declared. “That like totally sucks!”