Mitch McConnell Arrested : Senator Caught Filibustering Underage Girl

(Washington D.C.) Ucs News: The nations capital awoke to a shocking news report. According to Washington D.C. Police Republican Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky was arrested in the company of a young women. The official report stated the investigating officers answered a noise complaint around 3:00am. Once at the McConnell residence the police discovered a weeping girl, who claimed Senator McConnell had repeatedly Filibustered her against her will.

The Kentucky Senator was removed to the the D.C. central police station and arrested on suspicion of unlawful filibustering of a minor. The young women was taken to the St Mary medical center where a physical examination confirmed she had been Filibustered.

David Grimes, the Hospital Spokesman told “It will take several weeks for DNA testing to confirm the young women’s accusations against Senator McConnell.”

In a statement McConnell admitted he had a problem and would be seeking professional counseling for his Filibustering. “I know what I did was wrong, but she was a Democrat, I just couldn’t control myself….I filibustered her and I liked it.”