Mitt Romney Accused Of Using Performance Enhancing Hair Products


Former Massachusetts governor and aspiring presidential candidate Mitt Romney was accused today of using ‘performance enhancing hair products’ to make himself look more presidential.

Former New York governor Rudy Giuliani claims Romney has been using hair restoration products such as Rogaine and Propecia to make it appear that he has a full head of hair whereas, in reality, he is balding.

“If the man didn’t use drugs he would be sporting a bad comb over”, Giuliani told the Washington Post. “He would be laughed out of the presidential circuit if he stopped taking drugs!”

Giuliani pointed out that most presidents such as Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, Bill Clinton and Barrack Obama have or did have full, thick heads of hair. Bald or thinning men who ran against them were instantly defeated.

Romney denied ever using performance enhancing products to increase his chances of entering the White House.

“My hair is naturally luxurious and I have never taken a pill or hair restoration lotion!” Romney emphatically declared. “If I am chosen as the Republican Party’s candidate I will agree to have my hair tested!”

Critics argue that Romney should agree to testing before the primary and excuse himself from contention if he tests positive.

Some researchers claim that voters see a ‘full mane’ as a sign of virility and confidence and they would be more likely to vote for the well-coiffed candidate over someone with less hair.