Nader Pledges Carbon Neutral Presidential Run

New York, NY (Rotters) – After two unsuccessful Independent runs at the presidency in 2000 and 2004, consumer advocate Ralph Nader today announced on Meet the Press that he would be launching yet another bid for the office as an independent in the upcoming 2008 election. Speaking to the press in the New York campaign office of his independent party after the announcement, Nader decried all current candidates from both parties as “not green enough.” He further pledged to run the first “carbon neutral” campaign for the presidency, and challenged the other remaining candidates to do so.

“I honestly did try to play by the rules,” Nader said to reporters. “I spoke with both the Obama and Clinton campaigns, and neither could agree to do things my way. They have left me with no other choice but to mount another failed, “slash and burn” campaign in the name of the environment.”

A spokesperson for the “Vote for Nader” campaign assured reporters that they were relatively certain that they would be able to follow through with his promise to have a campaign that was completely carbon neutral.

“We have arranged for all manner of carbon credits and offsets in regards to travel and other promotional expenses,” stated a Nader campaign scientific researcher. “Our only major hurdle thus far lies in our ability to be able to offset the carbon footprint from Mr. Nader’s ego. Our calculations reveal that this is indeed a massive footprint, larger in area than the combined egos of Senators McCain, Clinton, and Obama together. We are in talks at this moment with the McCain campaign over a possible arrangement in which we might exchange some of our ego carbon footprint for some of the massive area produced by the senator’s denial of global warming.”

The Nader campaign garnered over 2% of the electorate in 2000, in a scenario in which some claim he ironically robbed the presidency from former Vice President Al Gore, winner of the Nobel Prize for his efforts for the environment, and gave it to current President George W. Bush, whose reign has been viewed as an economic and environmental catastrophe. In his most recent run in 2004 he received only 400,000 votes and was widely viewed as not factoring into President Bush’s slim defeat of Senator John Kerry. The Nader campaign stated that they anticipated receiving nearly half of the 2004 vote total, and factored this into efforts to decrease Mr. Nader’s carbon ego-footprint.

Nader concluded the press conference stating that one of his first acts as president would be to launch an investigation into the activities of former Vice President Al Gore, and rumors that his Nobel prize might have been awarded under fraudulent circumstances.