RedFaced NASA officials admitted today that the Apollo Moon landings did not happen and they were all filmed in a sound studio in Los Angeles and directed by the late film director Stanley Kubrick.
“Our astronauts only made it as far as LA”, said newly installed NASA administrator USMC Major General Charles Bolden Jr. “We wanted to show those Russian communist bastards that we were better than they were but we didn’t have the technology to get to the moon”.
Bolden revealed that the Saturn V Rocket took off as scheduled but there were no astronauts aboard. The rocket flew into space then landed harmlessly in the Atlantic a few hours later.
Bill Kaysing, a technical writer for Rocketyne which helped build the rockets for the Apollo program, examined newly released and enhanced footage of Neil Armstrong walking on the moon and showed various anomalies that were not visible in the old, grainy footage.
“You will notice in the background several discarded beer cans, a roll of toilet paper, some Little Debbie snack food wrappers and other items you would not normally expect to find on a barren landscape”, Kaysing revealed.
Rob Canter, a Hollywood sound technician, also revealed the faint sound of a men’s room urinal being flushed in the background. In addition, he managed to pick up the distinct sound of several ladies giggling by the pool outside the studio.
Bolden offered his apologies to the American people. “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for Hollywood”, Bolden stated.
Neil Armstrong, Edwin Aldrin and Michael Collins were unaware that the moon landings were faked.