NASA Discovers Belching and Farting Life on Mars; Elsewhere


NASA scientists revealed yesterday that they have discovered there is life on Mars and many outer Solar System moons and it stinks!

Astronomers discovered that nearly 21,000 tons of methane were emitted from the Red Planet alone in 2003. Many more tons have been seen ejecting from several Saturnian and Jovian moons.

Scientists also revealed there is methane on the Saturn moons Enceladus and Titan, the Jovian moons Europa and Io and the Neptune moon Triton.

“We have discovered vast resources of methane on the Red Planet”, said outgoing NASA administrator Mike Griffin. “The most likely explanation for all this swamp gas is living things belching and farting”.

Griffin jokingly suggested that when astronauts visit these planets they will have to hold clothes pins on their noses. He did warn against striking matches as the planets contain so much methane that the presence of combustible sulfur could cause the planets to explode.

“We have a responsibility to other worlds to leave them in the same condition we found them in”, Griffin explained. “There is a very good chance some of the life we have found is more intelligent than we are and we sure as hell don’t want to piss them off”.

Griffin has been asked to leave NASA because of some of the inane statements he makes, like these.