NASA’s Kepler space telescope has apparently discovered a planet that is like Earth only much nicer, according to NASA scientists.
“The planet the telescope discovered is in the constellation Beta Reticuli”, said Kepler program manager James Franson. “It has plenty of clean water, no pollution, a stable economy, no war and total harmony among the inhabitants!”
Franson conceded that NASA has not been in contact with the new world to find out if they would be open to tourists. However, NASA administrator Charles Bolden claims it is our God-given right as human beings to inhabit any planet we feel is right for us.
“We don’t have the technology to get there yet”, Franson continued. “But with these discoveries we are certainly beefing up our technology so that within 30 years everyone will be able to take a trip to this paradise-like world”.
“There are still some things about the planet we don’t know”, Bolden claimed. “Are there any diseases? Are there animals that might eat us? Do they have advanced technology that we don’t have? If the answer to these is no then we will feel free to take them over”.
Bolden said that the planet’s indigenous people seems to be inferior in intelligence to us as they do not appear to possess any weapons. Also, there appears to be substantial deposits of gold and silver.
“It’s an investors dream”, Bolden continued. “We could easily wipe out the people that are living there and make this a new planet for us. Of course, we will try to simply conquer then first and make them Christians”.
“I feel like Christopher Colombus!” Franson declared.