NASCAR AUTHORIZES LONGER CARS > MORE ROOM FOR DECALS

NASCAR’s introduction of the Car Of Tomorrow into the Nextel Cup season can be described as a journey to a brave new world, or an adventure into the unknown or a leap into uncharted territory.

Unconfirmed Sources was the first to reveal two weeks ago, that ALL NASCAR race cars, regardless of alleged make, were made by one company, and each is exactly the same.

After much debate, NASCAR officials have agreed to a radical and major change. Race cars competing in NASCAR events can be eleven feet longer than present models.

Gene Sawyer, spokesman for NASCAR explained what necessitated the lengthening.” It’s simple,” he told Unconfirmed Sources, “We ran out of space on the standard cars for decals; every inch of the vehicle was covered, except for a small open spot on the windshield to enable the driver to see where he was going. The decals and logos are a substantial source of our income. After covering the underside, tires and roof, we had to turn down advertisers who wanted space. Fred Timpson, our chief designer came up with what was truly a stroke of genius….longer cars!”

Sawyer continued; ” We have issued a contract to the Green Dragon Auto Works in China, which makes all our cars, and we are happy to display the prototype of the new vehicle.”

Crew chief Hal Linowitz of the Depend Incontinence Products race team approved of the longer car. ” The drivers will have to get used to the handling, but we now have space for the decals of Royal Sewage Disposal, Ltd. of England, and the Portobello Mushroom Growers of California.”

Dan Poulson, an avid NASCAR fan who never misses a race, and who wrote in Dale Earnhardt’s name in the last presidential election appeared pleased with the longer cars. ” I hate accidents on the track, but the ones that happen now will be much more thrilling!” he observed.