National Rifle Association Demands Tighter People Control Laws in Wake of Red Lake High School Sh…

Unconfirmed sources report that NRA President Wayne LaPierre has spoken out strongly for tightening up people control laws. “The tragedy in Red Lake proves once again that it is not the ready access to guns that leads to gun violence it is the ready access to people that is the problem.” LaPierre then proposed a broad platform of strict people control laws that the NRA and its congressional surrogates will be pushing in the coming year.

“We are declaring war on people violence.” Declared LaPierre. “We at the NRA have know for decades that guns don’t kill people, people kill people. So we have formulated a plan to better control people and save our country from the horror that is people violence. Now we understand that people violence is a complicated issue and no single measure will be enough to solve the problem, but we at the NRA are dedicated to do what it takes to end people violence.”

The NRA plan includes several safety and educational components as well as tougher criminal sanctions and strict people ownership laws. Under the NRA plan:

Parents who wish to have children will undergo an extensive background check. and apply for a permit. There will also be a mandatory waiting period. If a couple wishes to have more children they will have to reapply for another permit.

Prospective parents will be required to attend people safety classes and once a child is born resister them with local law enforcement.

People locks will be required on all people to prevent accidental people violence accidents.

Unused people will be required to be stored in locked people safes.

The government will fund and mange people buy back programs where troublesome people will be taken off the street.

“The country must be made safe for legal gun ownership,” Continued LaPierre, “and since gun ownership is a protected right people control laws are our only way out of this terrible situation. We feel terrible about what happened in Red Lake, but we need to lock up the people and not the guns if we are going to protect America..”